Hi Ariana,

Thanks for the response – glad you found it insightful. There are a lot of resources out there focused on RJ. Some are useful, but a lot are purely based on making money off of people who don't know how to treat their RJ or know where to turn. But RJ is treatable, just like any other mental health disorder.

Reassurance seeking is a common trait of RJ. I'd suggest you stop asking your bf for reassurance, as you're just going to make your RJ worse in the long run. It's also going to be exhausting for him.

As hard as it is to do right now, you need to accept the things in your head that make you feel uncomfortable and act according to your values. This is at the core of "Acceptance and Commitment Therapy" (ACT), which will be pivotal in your recovery. You'll decide which things you value (having a healthy, trustful relationship) and then act according to those values (i.e. not asking your bf for reassurance).

Your thought "what if I struggle with this for the rest of my life?" is correct only if you don't choose to act now. The longer you allow RJ to dominate your life, the harder it will get to recover from, and it'll also recur in any other relationships further down the line. RJ will latch on to anyone who really means anything to you. You need to realise RJ isn't really about your bf's past – it's about patterns in your thoughts, behaviour, and how you respond to fear. You need to become conscious of these patterns in order to overcome it.

I haven't read any books specifically about RJ, but I have read two self-help books because of my RJ: Mark Freeman's "The Mind Workout" (it goes by the name "You Are Not a Rock" in North America, I believe) and "Overcoming Intrusive Thoughts" by Winston & Seif. "The Mind Workout", in particular, was incredibly helpful.

If you have a kindle, I'm happy to give the aforementioned books to you via email and recommend some other resources for getting started on your road to recovery:

michaeldevfay@gmail.com

All the best,

Michael