From Skepticism to Bhakti: How Durga changed my mind
On any journey, whether spiritual, empirical or both, every seeker of truth or knowledge will find their own unique path. Personally, I could never have predicted the experiences I have had, the places I have visited, and the people I have met along the way. The more I discover about the universe, the deeper down the rabbit hole I go. Yet, I am still always surprised by what ensues. One of the things I could not have predicted in this “path” was becoming enamoured with a deity from a tradition to which I have no cultural background or affiliation.
It seems us Westerners often struggle to understand the intricacies of mythology in Eastern religions, particularly the “Dharmic” religions such as Buddhism, Hinduism, and Jainism. Anything deemed “mythological” is often dismissed as unscientific in the West. Part of the reason for this dismissal, I believe, is due to an aversion to acts of piety, which stems from being raised in a post-monotheistic society. Many people, including myself, have turned away from a Judeo-Christian upbringing. This, coupled with the prevailing material reductionist Western worldview, has resulted in a skepticism that is difficult or nearly impossible to shake for many Westerners. Words such as “devotion” (or bhakti in Sanskrit) are thus considered a “dirty word” in the West, especially if used in a pious sense. As one of these self-confessed skeptical yet spiritually curious people, I have shared my own experiences navigating the space between unbelief and the less religiously-themed aspects of Buddhism and Hinduism in previous articles.
In addition to meeting self-professed “gurus” as well as “ordinary” people along the path, I have been introduced, at least superficially, to various deities across all of the aforementioned creeds. I often thought of these deities in the same way I thought about the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy — that they were ultimately unreal but archetypally true. In contrast to these child-friendly figures, what intimidated me most about these deities was their supposed power. Scarred by an upbringing of hearing stories about a wrathful, all-powerful, all-judging “man in the sky with a beard,” as in the Christian tradition, I was never particularly drawn to any of them and made it a duty to steer clear, until a recent trip to India changed all that.
The deity to whom I found myself drawn, under mysterious circumstances, was Durga. This attraction was and has been totally unexpected, but also profoundly meaningful. My aversion to the wrathful, guilt-provoking God that I had grown up with has been replaced by a loving, non-judgmental, motherly figure with whom I finally feel I could get on board with this whole “God” business after all. I am fully aware of the psychological implications of all this, but sometimes you have to let the rational mind melt into something beyond the mind and into the heart. This whole escapade has truly been one of the heart rather than of the mind.
This happened in Tiruvannamalai, an ancient town located in the south of India, which has attracted spiritual seekers for centuries. The presence of Ramana Maharshi’s ashram and the holy mountain, Arunachala, give parts of the town — most notably up the mountain and around the ashram — a spiritual energy, or shakti, that is palpable. As I wandered around town, I stumbled upon a Durga temple that was currently under construction and was surprisingly drafted in for “puja” by the local priest living at the temple.
Since that day, I have continued to explore the teachings and mythology surrounding Durga — notably the Devi Mahatmyam. I have also found that my attraction to her has piqued and deepened since the trip, as she has increasingly found her way into my life. There is an old Christian saying that “the Lord works in mysterious ways,” which has certainly proven to be true in this case.
My experience with Durga is just one example of how the spiritual path can lead us to unexpected places. As a former nonbeliever and Christian heretic/excommunicant, I never could have predicted I would find myself feeling a sense of bhakti towards any deity, serving as a humbling reminder that the universe is vast and full of mysteries and wonders that extend beyond the limitations of the human mind and our conceptual understanding. More surprisingly, this has come without having to compromise any of my scientific worldview, as if it is beyond conceptual understanding, then it is ultimately beyond the domain of science anyway.
With each spiritual experience comes an invitation to keep opening ourselves up to the infinite possibilities of the divine. Skepticism one moment can turn into bhakti in the next. And bhakti can lead us down unexpected paths, giving us the chance to connect with something greater than ourselves and to find meaning in life’s mysteries. Although bhakti may be much tougher to stomach for us Westerners, it also tastes much sweeter in the long run. From my experiences with Durga thus far, it’s fair to say She’s “changed my mind” in more ways than one — as well as my Heart.
